February 3, 2004

My pseudonym (alter ego I created on Yahoo) had a long chat with Ash-holio the other night. I'm pasting the IM. Be prepared....it's a doozy. Notice my bad punctuation and spelling. ::::snicker::: Note: Please DON'T contact the "girlfriend". I left the link in there just so you can see her. That's the woman Ash-holio sent the naked Dudie picture to. Just PLEASE don't contact her. I'm going to after Ash-holio has been served.

Ash-holio: hello

PseudoMe: hi!

PseudoMe: i am so sick

Ash-holio: im sorry to here that

Ash-holio: im horny so just as bad

PseudoMe: thanks

PseudoMe: lol you need to do somthing about that

Ash-holio: im going to stroke it soon

PseudoMe: take pics

Ash-holio: lol no cam in truck\

PseudoMe: damnit lol

Ash-holio: i coulld let u hear

PseudoMe: how?

Ash-holio: have cell will call lol

PseudoMe: lol

PseudoMe: im not realy ready to give out my number

Ash-holio: was kiddin

PseudoMe: you were kidding?

PseudoMe: teaser lol

Ash-holio: yes i don’t think we have talked enough

Ash-holio: to have u hear me

Ash-holio: id call to chat

PseudoMe: im weird. i don't mind going to a party or 1on1 fun but don't want to give out personel info lol

Ash-holio: not at odd

Ash-holio: niot at all odd

Ash-holio: its understandable

Ash-holio: so tell me about u

PseudoMe: what do you want to know?

Ash-holio: well i know u are single and a nurse

Ash-holio: and where your from

Ash-holio: hobbies?

PseudoMe: i like to run and i ski. but i haven't ran since i moved here

PseudoMe: i told you where i’m from?

Ash-holio: u see me youd run

Ash-holio: well i guess where u live now

PseudoMe: your right i would. your hot lol

PseudoMe: no im from Wisconsin. i moved here in september

Ash-holio: thx

Ash-holio: i was in the hospital in green bay

PseudoMe: which one?

Ash-holio: brb

Ash-holio: don’’t remember name

PseudoMe: im from a few hours from there

Ash-holio: have a big water cup from them lol

Ash-holio: i like to run

Ash-holio: watch movies

PseudoMe: are you from Missouri?

Ash-holio: no i live in kentucky

Ash-holio: but the trucking company i work for is in springfield

PseudoMe: cool. i never been there. is it nice?

Ash-holio: its ok

Ash-holio: its all seems the same to me now \

Ash-holio: i travel so much

PseudoMe: is that where your baby is?

Ash-holio: you reall are one sexy lady

Ash-holio: yes

Ash-holio: im just divorced

PseudoMe: thanks!

Ash-holio: well 3 months

PseudoMe: oh im sorry

Ash-holio: wish you had a close up of your face

Ash-holio: tis ok we grew apart

PseudoMe: that is sad

Ash-holio: what is sad?

PseudoMe: im trying to get more pics

PseudoMe: that you grew apart

Ash-holio: yes it was more me than her

Ash-holio: i wanted to try new things she didnt

PseudoMe: like what?

Ash-holio: ball room dancings... plays... ballet

Ash-holio: just going out

Ash-holio: she was a home body

PseudoMe: you like those things?

Ash-holio: id like dancving don’t know about the others

Ash-holio: wanna try

Ash-holio: i drive and stay in the truck a lot so i needed more

PseudoMe: and she wouldnt do those things? wow

Ash-holio: she was just a stay at home person

PseudoMe: do you get to see the baby? im sorry i forget boy or girl

Ash-holio: yes i do

Ash-holio: she wont keep him away

Ash-holio: we parted as friends

PseudoMe: that's good. hard to do

Ash-holio: yes it is

Ash-holio: hard to think that your not taken

PseudoMe: i was lol

PseudoMe: im divorced too. 2 years now. hes abusive

Ash-holio: i wouldnt let someone as pretty as u go

Ash-holio: im sorry

Ash-holio: there is no call for that

PseudoMe: thanks

PseudoMe: he is one of the reasons i moved here

Ash-holio: a woman is a gift and i count my blessings to spend time with one

 PseudoMe: your sweet

Ash-holio: i really understand not wanting to give out number

Ash-holio: trust would be hard to give

PseudoMe: my ex is a big part of that. thanks for understadning. you are the only person i told so far

PseudoMe: did your wife go to parties with you?

PseudoMe: sorry exwife

Ash-holio: no she didnt have the sex drive i had

Ash-holio: i didnt go to any till the papers was filed

Ash-holio: u there?

PseudoMe: yes sorry taking meds lol

Ash-holio: lol ok

PseudoMe: you ginxed me to get sick lol

Ash-holio: lol sorry

Ash-holio: let me be totally open with you ok karen

PseudoMe: ok

Ash-holio: as i dont know what your looking for

Ash-holio: but let me tell in a nutshell about my life at this point ok

PseudoMe: ok

Ash-holio: im mainly looking for friends

Ash-holio: i do have a girlfiend but we are in an open relationship

PseudoMe: where is she? your driving a lot i guess

Ash-holio: friends is what i value and when you’re my friends ill do anything i can for you

Ash-holio: she isnt in the truck with me yet

Ash-holio: few more months

Ash-holio: i train new drivers

Ash-holio: hope that didnt sound rude

PseudoMe: keep talking.i have to um well go to the bathroom lol

Ash-holio: lol

Ash-holio: well let me know when your back my trainiee needs help

PseudoMe: im back

PseudoMe: that doesn't sound rude. its honest

Ash-holio: wb

PseudoMe: so your girlfriend is ok with you playing?

Ash-holio: very much so

PseudoMe: how cool is that lol

Ash-holio: she is bi and wants to play as well

Ash-holio: lol

Ash-holio: and i give her name to ladies who want to ask

PseudoMe: i lean a little bi too lol

PseudoMe: more guys but sometimes girls

Ash-holio: hmmm don’’t put that image in my head

Ash-holio: she saw you pic and said meow

PseudoMe: ha ha!

PseudoMe: she did? lol

Ash-holio: yes lol

PseudoMe: does she live in st. louis?

Ash-holio: npe kentucky

PseudoMe: damnit lol

Ash-holio: as for parties it seems as im not into open groups

PseudoMe: what do you mean?

PseudoMe: hey got a pic of your girlfreind?

Ash-holio: bunch of guys waiting for their turn isnt my thing

PseudoMe: but you went to the gang bang right?

Ash-holio: http://profiles.yahoo.com/(girlfriend’s Yahoo profile)

Ash-holio: yes didnt have a very good time

Ash-holio: ate a lot of pussy but not much intercourse

Ash-holio: then again back was killin me

PseudoMe: well at least you had some fun lol

PseudoMe: i wish i got to go lol

Ash-holio: i think id take u in the back alone

PseudoMe: she is hot!

PseudoMe: and she luvs you aww

Ash-holio: i think id take u in the back alone

PseudoMe: where did you go?

Ash-holio: i was booted

PseudoMe: ow lol Ash-holio: did u look at profile

PseudoMe: yes she is cute!

Ash-holio: thx

Ash-holio: she is a lot like me

PseudoMe: maybe you can bring her to st. louis sometime lol

Ash-holio: small group sex is better than a lot of people

Ash-holio: i can

Ash-holio: she will be on the road with me

PseudoMe: i think im a little like you. looking for friends who like to play

Ash-holio: u know i could give u a massage and lick you and not need to get any to be happy

PseudoMe: that has to be hard to drive a truck and see her and your baby

Ash-holio: it is

Ash-holio: she will be on later if you want to say hi

PseudoMe: maybe

_____________________________________

February 6, 2004

Ash-holio has been served!! I can't give all the details now....do as many as I can.

At 11:30 a.m., I picked Ash-holio up from the Meijer parking lot. I told him he had a certified letter waiting for him and "let's just go get it on the way home."

I walked into the post office with him, watched him sign the green card for certified mail, and had him open it there at the post office. My friend Susananie says I have balls of steel. LOL He looked at it, looked at me, and said, "Take me back to the truck please" and stomped over to the car.

In the car, he said, "Why?? Why are you doing this?!" I said, "You know, Ash-holio. You know why." He continued to deny it, and then he said, "You think I've been cheating on you, don't you." I said, "I KNOW you have. I know it. Stop denying it and just admit it." He continued to deny, and then he said, "Fine. I've cheated on you. Now you know. You weren't putting out and weren't giving me any respect, so I went elsewhere."

He wanted to go home so we could talk, and I refused to take him. I gave him the options of his truck or his mother's, and that's it. He said, "I'm not getting out of the car. You'll have to call the cops and remove me." I shrugged my shoulders and said, "Okay."

I did agree to sit and talk, but not at home, so we went into the café' at Meijer and talked for 2 hours. He kept saying, "I know you're going to take Dudie from me." @@ He said at first that he'd never keep C-Bug from me, and then he started complaining about spousal support. He said, "I'll never getto come off the road if I have to pay you that." I said, "Well, you made that choice when you did what you did. And you've done a lot more than this one girl." He continued to deny everything else....even said he only slept with the girl (Lisa...the bisexual girlfriend) once. Yeah right.

Then he did what I thought he would do. He asked if I would compromise on the spousal support thing...he said he could get a local job and keep Dudie during the day. I said no. He said, "Then I'm gonna call Ex #1 and just give C-Bug to her." Basically threatening to keep C-Bug from me. My response: "Okay. Go ahead and do that. I'm not going to use the kids as bargaining chips and I'm not going to compromise."

He said he was sorry that I found out and sorry that I was hurt. I said, "But you're not sorry for what you did. If you were, you would have said that first."

He kept begging me to let him go home for a little while and to see Dudie. I told him Susan had Dudie for the day and didn't know when she'd be home. He said, "Can I just go home and take a shower?" I said, "No." He started to cry, and I ignored it.

I took him back to the truck. He drove it to H&R Block, and I met him there with our tax papers. Then we filed our taxes. LOL

He did get to see Dudie....I brought him there when I went back to the tax place to sign everything. Then he went to his truck and left. He did say that he's going to "put some money back for a lawyer." Yeah, go ahead and do that.

We're not telling C-Bug quite yet - I talked him out of doing that today. We'll wait at least until she's back home again, if not longer. Once Ex #1 finds out, she'll take C-Bug, and I want to schmooze Ex #1 a little before that happens to better my chances of getting more visitation.

So that's the short version. LOL I'm feeling surprisingly fine. Thanks for all the prayers and thoughts today - they really did help. :-)

_____________________________________________

February 12, 2004

I've been quiet again..sorry about that.

Ash-holio's coming tomorrow afternoon to collect his things and get the heck outta my home. I just finished packing the last of it (into plastic bags...the trash can take out his trash..hehe).

He's going to C-Bug's game tomorrow night, and he says that he plans to tell her that we're divorcing after the game. Then he's leaving, and I'll be left to pick up the pieces. Nice. Ash-holio told Ex #1 the other day that we're divorcing. (He says) Ex #1 has agreed to let C-Bug finish the school year with her current schedule. When school's finished, C-Bug will live with Ex #1 full time, and Ash-holio will have visitation every other weekend. On the weekends Ash-holio's not in town, I get C-Bug. She's also agreed to have C-Bug go back to weekly counseling. I'll take her on the weeks she's with Ex #1 (she'll come home on the bus and then I'll take her to Ex #1 after the appointment). Ash-holio claims they're going to enter an Agreed Order with the court and including my visitation in that Order. We'll see.

Ash-holio has retained an attorney...something he told me he wasn't going to do. He's offered me $XXX/week for spousal and child support. According to the state guidelines, he'd only have to give me $XX/week. I'm accepting the $XXX and running with it.

He's asked for joint custody of Dudie and flexible visitation due to his work schedule. I'm considering it only because he would only see Dudie like once a month.

The depression that I've felt coming on for weeks has started to hit. I don't know how bad it's going to get, and no, meds at this point won't do a thing. The nature of my meds is to balance out body chemistry, and that takes around three months. So even if I started meds a week ago, it would do nothing to improve things (actually, it would make them worse, as the cycle of getting back to normal consists of a huge high period, followed by a huger crash). The best I can do is ride it out and do whatever I can to minimize its strength (avoid all sugar...good thing I'm on Atkins, up my intake of B6 and B12, avoid copper, no antihistamines, etc.) I'm going to be okay. Seriously. Please do not spend time worrying about this, all right?

I'm thinking about taking the kids to a hotel for the night on Saturday...one with a heated pool. We need some fun "us" time.

That's it for now. Finishing my glass of water and going to bed.