.

July 9, 2004

Knew this was coming....

Guess what I heard on the phone last night? "Oh boo hoo hoo, B, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for what I've done, and I still love you, and I'll do anything to get you back, and I'm getting rid of all my bad habits, and I want to be your husband again. Is there anything I can do to get you to take me back? Boo hoo hoo hoo....."

Do it with me now: @@

An hour and a half of Ash-holio apologizing, saying he still loves me, saying he wants me back, asking if I'd take him back, and him telling me all the changes he'd make if I took him back. All the while STILL not admitting that he's a swinger party gang bang whore. LMAO What a DOLT. I said, "Look, you're telling me all of this yet you're still not being honest with me. I *know* there have been more women than just Lisa and you refuse to fess up." He still refuses to acknowledge any of it, and he said, "I know you, and if you had the so-called proof that you say you have, you would have brought it up a long time ago instead of just saying that you know." Gee, he really knows me, doesn't he.

He said he's trying to do healthier things. He said he ordered a salad and was able to get three bites down (wow! He deserves a friggin' Bozo button!). I said, "Y'know, you could do Atkins...don't have to eat a lot of salad with that one." He said, "I didn't order the salad to lose weight, B.....I did it for you. To show you that I can change." Wow, whodathunkit....iceberg lettuce is life altering!!!

As for the girlfriend....he claims he broke things off with her weeks ago....yet, when I checked his Yahoo mail, I see that he's been sending her picture to people in hopes of getting a threesome, as well as sending pictures of his penis...he did it 2 days ago. The man is such a turd.

See, I'm thinking he's doing this partially to get out of paying me out the ass in child support. However, I also think he's realized what a miserable existence he's created for himself and he's trying to get back to the life he had with me. There is no way in hell that will ever EVER happen, however, I do still need to "play the game" until the divorce is final to ensure that I get everything that's been agreed to. If I piss him off right now, he can go back on our agreement and force me back to work (which puts Dudie in daycare with no therapies). So....I sort of pacified him by saying I'd think long and hard about it, but I still want the divorce to go through. That seemed to work. After the divorce is final, I'll officially tell him "Fuck no, you assclown."

_____________________________

August 28, 2004

I'm FREEEEEEEEE!!

It's official! I am deeee-vorced! Hehe As of August 20, 2004, I am the FORMER wife of Ash-holio. He is my ex-husband. Damn that sounds good: Ash-holio is my EX-husband.

I did get everything I wanted out of the settlement, the biggest of those my having sole custody of Dudie and being able to stay home with him until he starts first grade.

What a ride this has been, eh? I should turn it into a book, "The Ash-holio Saga."

I've done a lot of thanking, and I'll continue it here. I thank everyone for the overwhemingly wonderful support I've received. I'm truly blessed to know all of you.

___________________________________

September 4, 2004

Oh boy....more fun

Get this: So this is the IM conversation I had with Ash-holio on Wednesday.

Ash-holio: thanx a lot. ouch

Ash-holio: and u didnt want to call me back

Ash-holio: used yet again

Ash-holio: bye

Me: What are you talking about?

Ash-holio: forget it

Me: Call you back about what??

Ash-holio: doesnt matter and im glad your happy finally

Me: Who said I'm happy?

Ash-holio: as i said forget it beej

Ash-holio: nothing matters anymore tell dudie his dad loved him

Ash-holio signed off at 4:21 PM

Ash-holio signed on at 4:23 PM

Me: So you don't love him anymore? What's that all about?

Ash-holio: ill always love him

Me: So what's with the "loved" thing?

Ash-holio: it dont matter but he will be taken care of with money

Ash-holio: bye

Ash-holio: im so sorry for all the pain ive cause you beej but not it has come to an end,,, please take good care of dudie,,

Ash-holio: bye

Ash-holio: can i ask you one thing

Ash-holio: guess not

Ash-holio signed off at 5:17 PM

After this, he proceeded to call me 11 times. I ignored his calls. There's no friggin' way I'm gonna give him what he wants, which is a response to his threats. So to get away from the phone, I took Dudie to the pool.

S___ and I were out there chit chattin', and I saw someone go into my building and got a weird feeling. I said to him, "S__, did you see who went in there? That dark haired, hunched over person looks a wee bit too familiar."

Two minutes later, out walked the same person and he headed for the pool. It was ASH-HOLIO. He said he was trying to call so I could meet him so that he could give me some money but I wasn't answering. So he just SHOWED UP. Fucker. It really freaked me out since I had no idea he was in town.

And he looked like dog vomit. I mean...remember when I described how bad he looked back when he came to collect his belongings? This was 5 times worse. That gaping hole in his mouth from the 3 teeth he had extracted a couple of weeks ago - woooo that's attractive (front tooth and the two next to it). Wonder how popular that’s gonna make him on the gang bang circuit. Hasn't had a haircut in months, and apparently no shower in a long time. Eww eww.

He gave me some money, I thanked him for it. Apparently that wasn't enough of a response, so he stomped off all angry-like. I guess I should be visibly grateful that he gave me a little money, when he’s over $2000 behind in support. Then he came back and started talking to Dudie. Dudie knew who he was but didn't show any excitement (the ladybug he was holding captivated his attention). All he said was "Look Daddy, a ladybug!" Ash-holio asked if he could take Dudie to the park for a minute (about 40 feet away), and then they played on the swings for a while. They came back to the pool, and Ash-holio watched Dudie swim.

The pool was closing and Ash-holio was showing no signs of leaving. S__ was willing to be my "backup"...I was gonna tell Ash-holio that S__'s having dinner with us, so it's time to say goodbye. I decided to not do that though...don't want to put S__ in that position. Ash-holio asked if he could have more time with Dudie at the park, and I agreed since two other parents were out there. Then he brought Dudie back in and proceeded to sit down on my couch. I said, "It's time for Dudie to have dinner and get a bath. Dudie, time to give Daddy a hug and kiss goodbye."

Ash-holio stalled and elongated the goodbye process for-friggin'-ever. He said, "Can I ask you a question? Have you thought about what we talked about?" (He was referring to the "let's get back together" talk). I just gave him a blank stare and said, "I can't talk about that right now." I didn't want to tell him to go fuck himself when Dudie was standing there.

He FINALLY left, and as he was leaving, he asked me to call him when the kids went to bed (had 3 extra kids spending the night). What the hell for?!?! I didn't call. And the next time he pulls this shit, I will not be accommodating like I was this time. It was just such a shock that he showed up, y'know?

I need to go fumigate the couch he sat on. Ugh. _____________________________

And this was just a few minutes ago:

Ash-holio: changed my mind im glad we are apart,

Ash-holio: you have shown me things the last few days... and makes me wonder alot about you

Ash-holio signed off at 7:42 PM ________________

Gee, someone is desperately trying to get my attention, no?

__________________________________

December 31, 2004

One year ago today, I found about Ash-holio.  It was the day that, for me, my marriage ended.  I'll never forget how I felt the moment I read his accounts of his extra-marital activities.  I felt sick, horribly sick, and panicked, and betrayed, and furious, and scared, and duped, and more that I can't describe.  I called my mom immediately, screaming and crying, trying to tell her what I'd found.  She asked me two questions:  "What do you want to do?  And are you strong enough to do it?"  And with Mom's words, something in my head just clicked - almost immediate calm and initial preparation for what I would do about it.

Today, I've thought about the past year and how much things have changed.  And what I thought about first was how many people helped me through it - I've said before how overwhelming it's been to have such support, and the majority of that support has come from You People.  I know for sure that I wouldn't have come through this past year nearly as well had it not been for You People.  I've said it before, but I'm saying it again:  though I've never seen most of you face to face, and haven't heard most of your voices, I feel incredibly blessed to have You People as my friends. 

Thank you.  Thank you for the love and friendship you've shown me during this past year and in years past.  I love You People.

Happy New Year to you all!!